Missing: English Vinglish

Earlier this year I saw Barfi! a couple of times, and realised that its screenplay was missing a crucial component: someone had to mouth the ultimate dialogue: जाते जाते बर्फी हमें जीना सिखा गया…

Barfi’s writing just misses one dialogue: jaate jaate barfi humein jeena sikha gaya

— Amit Sharma (@hypnosh) September 20, 2012

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Alas, Anurag Basu and his writers are not as talented as I, never mind the Oscars.

But then I saw English Vinglish twice, and realised that the writers in Bollywood need my help more than ever now!

So, here’s the ending I think would have fit EV much better than the snowfight with her kid (yawn!). It just fell short of being true inspiration by this one montage that I tell you now:

1. Shashi returned ‘back’ to India and opened her own English coaching center in Pune for housewives. (The camera pans to reveal the board of the coaching center: Enगlish Vingliश). Her husband and daughter teach at her institute part-time.
2. Ramamurthy got promoted to the post of CEO in his organisation in 5 years.
3. Salman Khan got a job as a store manager at Bloomingdales, and married the only daughter of a famous MP in Pakistan.
4. Yu Son opened her own chain of hair salons across the USA.
5. Eva became the leader of the local nanny association, and later contested the elections and became a Senator.
6. Udumbke & David are happily married now, and they have a baby daughter.
7. Laurent has his own restaurant on Times Square where the showstopper dishes are named Lasoon Bisque and Crêpe Laddoo.

Of course all of the above will appear as super-text over montages of these people in their happy moments.

Now waiting for my phone to ring – I should get a call from YRF soon to help them make JTHJ better and not repeat these mistakes ‘again’.